I haven’t quit sugar I am freaking out in front of my whole family over my anxiety about going to Reuben’s wedding I guess that’s all I wanted to say about that Continue reading Update

There’s no place to be alone these days.  You can’t think, express, breath, create because you are on call or on check by others at all moments of the clock. You complain to me. Continue reading No time No place

Today I committed to attend my nephew’s wedding in California in October.  I received an email from him six weeks ago (two months ago?) requesting my children’s addresses.  I never responded.  Well, hey, I don’t know their addresses.  And, it’s so hard to get them to respond back to me with such requests.  And then, I would have to collect all the different text messages or emails, or notes from phone calls, write them down, and then look up Reuben’s email again, and then write him back….Thinking of how difficult it was stopped me in my tracks.  I felt guilty … Continue reading Making a commitment

Tomorrow I will renounce sugar.  After successfully dropping–slowly– more than 10 lbs. since October, even not gaining a pound over the holiday season, February and my life came together, kicked my ass, and I started to seek out sugary sweets like an addict the past month.  I’m up 5 lbs (hopefully much of it is water-holding carb weight) and I dropped out of my online weight challenge (after winning the last 3 I did), with my tail between my legs. I committed to go to my nephew’s wedding in October (that’s another story), which both provides a long distance target … Continue reading Starting over again and again

On days like this it feels like a big fat man is press-pressing, sitting down on my chest, not allowing me to breath. On days like this my ears are filled with a high, taut, intensive pitch that threatens to split my head apart. On days like this I struggle to hold back the words and emotions that are pushing to come out. On days like this I want them to STOP.  I want to dive deeply into a new picture.  I want to fly a million miles away. I want to be alone.  I want someone to reach a … Continue reading Life among the Depressive

(Practice entry). This morning I attended a breakfast speaker series that featured Martha Huckabee, a board member of Doctors with Borders (MSF).  I accepted the invitation only because I wanted to be a good citizen of the university and create an audience–I couldn’t identify any possible interest in the topic on my part.  I was not prepared for how enjoyable it was.  Martha turns out to be an incredibly insightful thinker and observer of the human condition, politics, ideology, humanity, culture, values, power, and violence.  … And likely of many more topics, but those were the ones I observed this … Continue reading MSF