Optavia: First Two Weeks

DAY ONE:  This is my Optavia journal.  I feel like I could be a putz for signing on for this; I have 20 lbs (or so) to lose, and I’ve given up all my free will.  I’m supposed to journal, but I’m really busy.  But I did want to capture my first morning experience–

• The 6:00 am shake was powdery and gritty, and not very sweet or flavorful at all.  But it went down okay, though it was odd to ingest food that early.  But 110 calories is fairly little food to worry about digesting before running.
• my exercise went well.  I weighed 166.9 at home.  After 60 minutes of walking/jogging, I weighed 164.5 on the scale at West Hills
• I felt my first hunger pang 3 hours after I drank the shake.  The bar was okay, not too sweet, but reeked of vitamins!!  It was small.
• I felt my next hunger pangs….1 hour later.  I was worried about how would I last 2 more hours?  But got caught up in work, and the time has passed quickly.  I have a cup of flavored coffee sitting next to me, which smells good but I haven’t yet drunk it.  I can eat in 12 minutes.

DAY TWO:  Yesterday I had some hunger–the fuelings are only 110 calories, so they don’t hold one’s hunger much more than an hour.  But my body feels good after eating them (they are really nutritional wonders!).  I was not so hungry that I was unable to refocus and forget about it while working.  I also taped to the back of my phone a list of suggestions  Craig, my coach, sent me about things you can do to “comfort yourself” (my words) instead of rewarding yourself with food, which I found…quite comforting!  But I haven’t needed to look at it yet.  I researched online and found out (confirmed to myself) that the TSFL 5 & 1 diet is “mildly” ketogenic.

On the daily coaching call (you get one every day for the first week), Craig told me to cut back my workouts, and that I could screw up/slow down the weight loss if I worked out too strenuously.  This has me concerned/interested.  Earlier this year when I put myself on a strict ketogenic diet, after the transition to fat burning, I resumed my HIIT workouts, and felt great!  But now I am wondering whether or not HIIT workouts while on a ketogenic diet are always damaging; e.g. do they make your body burn muscle??  I’ve asked my WH trainer, and he said he’d research that for me.

I am also curious about the theory behind TSFL using a “mildly” ketogenic approach, instead of a flat-out extreme-low-carb one (like the first phase of Atkins).  Why does TSFL bother with keeping you on a steady (though low) flow of carbs throughout the day, when they are focusing on you not having any carbohydrate (glucagon???) stores in your muscles and liver (did I get that  right?)  I will ask Craig about this tonight when we check in again.

I sort of think I might be already going through the “fat-burning” transition to ketosis.  It’s early compared to the timeline that Optavia projects, but my last night reading indicates that I could put myself into ketosis quicker by having a hard work out that exhausted my carb stores.  I jogged 4.5 miles yesterday, and then walked another 5,000 steps (about 2.5 miles) during the rest of the day…Anyway, last night I had a light-headed feeling, and felt super wiped-out before bedtime, and today the quasi-light headedness continues.

I weighed 164.5 this morning–down 2.5 lbs in 24 hrs (which is what happens when you start draining your carb stores).  I had a super workout with Kyle (a WH trainer) for 30 minutes, then I walked 3 miles, in about 40 minutes, at about a 4.2 mph rate.  Kept my heart rate around the mid-120s.  This represents a “halving” of the normal intensity I typically do on training days (usually I go the same distance, but do HII, and maintain a composite rate of 5.0-5.5 mph, and my HR runs between 140-167).

One thing I was asked to blog about was my top 3 reasons for doing the diet.  I haven’t yet had time to truly sort it out, but I am very clear that one of them was an emotional/psychological desire to be engaged with someone (or someones) else to focus on MY success.  I want to talk about what I’m doing, I want to obsess a little about it without any guilt that I’m being selfish at the expense of others/another.  So, paying for the program, and getting the coaching and the community with it; I hoped that it would help to fill this emotional desire.

So far I think it’s working.  I am feeling jazzed, like I’m “engaged in a mission”, and I’m involved with others.  With Craig (and hopefully the Optimal Health community) I hope I don’t have to feel embarrassed that I am focused on a superficial goal (my weight, my body)–I think they would not think it was a superficial thing, and at least for now it is appropriate that they encourage me and allow me to obsess over myself.

DAY THREE

I was going through “transition” to ketosis yesterday.  During the afternoon I hit a complete wall, mentally.  I was hungry, and I couldn’t think or get work done.  However, by time I got home, I felt my mind clear, my hunger abate.  I thought I might be “through” transition already!  However, TODAY….it was clear as soon as I started on the treadmill that I still was transitioning.  I became easily winded, and just felt “gassed”–though not mentally, I am feeling good mentally! I walked 4 miles at @4.1 mph pace, and kept my HR between 115-129; mostly mid 120s.  I felt good at that pace, breathing easily, sweating (for me) lightly.  I weighed 162.1 at home today, and 159.5 after my workout at the gym (different scales, please note).  Only .2 under 5 lbs in two days!  Also, it is the lowest I weighed for 9 years; I was about 162 at Luke’s wedding, and 162 4 years ago just before I took my current job….but that was weighed on the gym scale, which consistently weighs me lower than an electronic scale.  Therefore, I choose to claim today’s weight as the lowest in 9 years!

I met my friend for lunch yesterday.  She is feeling low and depressed and anxious.  Inevitably my diet program came up (I was making quite different choices to eat).  She became interested, so I have sent her materials.  She might “join”.  I think that it would be fun to do this with her.  I also can imagine that she might really benefit from the distraction of focusing on her beauty and health (getting more beautiful and healthier), while she goes through this hard time, in companionship with me.  I can lavish attention on her if she decides to do the program.  **

Sadly, today, I was in a car accident on the way to work.  A driver suddenly pulled a U-turn in front of me at the intersection of W. Michigan & Howard, just as I was starting to enter it.  Luckily, no one was injured (bleeding or broken).  I am thrilled that I chose to have my seatbelt on this morning; all too often I do not have it fastened for the short drive between the gym and my office.  My abdomen was bruised by my seatbelt, and I am still shaky and feeling jumbled from the flood of adrenalin that rushed through my body.  I wonder how this will impact my metabolism!!

I have two more observations to make.  First, about the program, I totally love all the texts, emails, phone calls, and contacts.  Each one gives me a little charge of excitement and attention, and pleasure at being reminded that I’m on a journey (sort of), and I get to receive attention and support for it.  Secondly, I’m also clear that Craig’s persona is a strong part of what I enjoy; he’s an elite athlete and a gearhead, and he is paying attention to schlumpy old me.  Yeah, he’s gets remuneration for it, and I’m one of many, but I still really enjoy receiving his attention, and value having him to talk to and ask questions of.  I am not so sure I would feel quite the same about “just any” of the Optavia coaches I have met or seen.  So, I need to keep observing how much of what I’m getting out of the program is dependent on a certain aspect of my getting paid attention from a person with a lot of magnetism, versus just (simply) the actual “program”.*

Secondly, though, is I read more on his past; particularly a very intimate piece about past problems.  He was so frank and open about the demons that have driven him, and the work it has taken him to recognize them, and overcome them.  It is very clear that he has done the deep work on himself, and his humble openess to helping “me” (and others) appears to come from some pretty heavy soul searching, insight, and work.  I did note that Christianity is a core focus of his (which makes me a little wary), so I strongly appreciate that he doesn’t seed his coaching with scripted christian cultural ideas/catchphrases.

(I feel wary of leaning on folks who might have signed their minds over to an overt, set ideology.  I have a lot of family and friends who view all their thoughts and life experiences through their religious or political frame–okay, we all do, if we are grounded, whole people.  But if a person’s belief frame is too scripted, or too restrictive, or too rigid, it excludes that person from experiencing other perspectives and insights that might allow them to grow, as well as denies them understanding of the perspectives, insights, and experiences of others).

****

So, I got a text from Craig, an email from Craig, and a short Optavia video/email this morning.  YAY!  Nice!…Once again, I was asked to focus on why –what are my reasons for doing this?  …I want to beat–or at least be in control of, and keep abated–my metabolic syndrome.  I want to be that tough, athletic, fit-as-hell-having-a-great-time old lady.  I want to live for forever!….okay, I want to have a high quality of life for as long as I can, especially as I am now in the beginning of the last phase of my life.

********

*(Parsing this section out days later, I realize that the Optavia plan does stress the power of community and supportive network, so the originators would probably say something like, “that’s the idea: to bond with folks who have a common focus on health” (or something similar).  I get that.  And I also get that it’s normal human nature to have better success in a coaching/mentoring relationship when the mentee has sought out the mentor.  But, being who I am, I so do not want to get swept up emotionally in a mob/crowd mentality, and have my mind confused over what is driving my decisions.)

**(Again, days later, my friend has downloaded some materials, and is interested…in something, I’m not sure what.  She might simply want support to do her own healthy plan.  I have sent her an invite to the next Meltdown Challenge….she’s out of town, due to a death in her family, so….  here’s my point.  I’m still going to lavish attention on her.  She needs it, whether or not she’s open for doing what I’m doing.)

*********************

DAY FOUR.

161.4 this morning at home–down 5.5 lbs since Tuesday morning.  (159 on the West Hills scale.)  Today was interesting–I still felt gassed during cardio, so I only walked at 4.0 mph for 3 miles.  Prior to walking I had a super training session with Kyle.  I came home (I was on leave), and was just exhausted!!!.  I ate the oatmeal fueling with a cup of almond milk (It was very good!), but the burnt-out feeling persisted.  After two hours I decided to have a snack, so I had nuts.  But I’m pretty sure I had OVER-ATE (had 1 oz instead of .5)  THIS REALLY HELPED ME–the remainder of the day I have had good energy and felt stabilized, and was able to keep on plan.

Shhh, I read up on alcohol and ketosis.  I took 5 ounces of merlot (122 calories, 3.8 grams carbs), mixed with  16 ounces of sparkling passionfruit water.  It was very nice and special.  For dinner I had a pork chop, slightly under weight, and a spinach/arugula salad with homemade salad dressing.  Actually I think everything I ate had “slippage” from the 5&1 diet, but I justify it by believing that I expend more calories than most….and I believe I am maintaining the ketosis.

I got the emails and texts, but Craig didn’t call or text me directly….it may be that it doesn’t happen after “day 5”, or that he (understandably) was busy with his camp.

The day was awesome.  Beautiful weather, no schedule, no one else at home.  I mowed the lawn and read the HOH book outdoors.

************************

DAY 8.

It’s been a week!.  Almost every day I feel happy and excited to be on this particular diet.  It is really surprising to me how predictable it is, and how well designed the program is.  I moved through the fat-burning transition; I’m feeling much less hunger (yesterday I failed to notice it was time to eat on two occasions); I really  did feel like I needed to cut back on my exercise–I got easily gassed, but today I am almost back (I ran for the first time in a week, and had good energy for 50 minutes; yes, I felt light headed at the end of the intense intervals, but quickly recovered); and I enjoy drinking the water, I have less desire/interest in soda pop; and I cut back on my coffee, since I felt like it was making me light-headed.

People are now beginning to comment on how I look, so that validates my own perception that my appearance has changed.  I can touch my nose to my knees when I do the rag doll position.  I feel smaller.  I feel thinner.  This feels really really good to me.  I am choosing to wear less makeup–I feel like I look more like I want to look; I look sufficiently healthy without makeup, that I don’t need as much patching up to look vibrant.  I feel more vulnerable, like my whole small body–having shed or reduced the wall of fat covering me up–is so much more sensitive and responsive to life.  I feel like I’ve walked out from under the shade into the sun (or, at least, that I am in that process).

That’s not to say I’ve been perfect for even these first 7 days.  On Saturday I weighed 159.3!!! (Note:  I had large bowel movement that morning, after having nothing for the first 4 days). But we had to drive to Chicago for Luke’s graduation.  I ate 3 fuelings.  Drank my water.  But I had 3 glasses of champagne.  Then Mark wouldn’t stop for food (I knew that!), but he would stop for ….jerky.  I had another fueling with me, but decided to get some protein down,  I found a pack of low-fat turkey jerky, 240 calories and 30 gms protein, and decided to call it a day.  Sunday I also weighed 159.3, but my friend (who is a heavy drinker and foodie) who was visiting from Florida was coming over.  I tried to create a dinner plan that wouldn’t take me too far off the path.  I made chicken kabobs, used a spice rub instead of sauce (to avoid sugar), and asparagus and  white mushrooms–lightly sprayed with olive oil and garlic salt, and barbecued them both over mesquite charcoal.  I also made roast 3-color potatoes for Mark and Ari.  For drinks I made champagne and flavored sparkling water coolers, with frozen red raspberries.  They were the bomb!  I had very little champagne in mine (seriously, I tried hard; just a splash! and then a full glass \\\of sparkling water & ice); I honestly think I did not exceed 2 servings of wine over a six hour period, though I drank 5-6,  14 oz drinks, most without any added wine.

I did, however–inevitably, I suppose–snack over my allotment perhaps of veggies, with that rub on them, and the raspberries, and the wine.  Yesterday morning, I weighed 161.3…lesson learned!  I spent the day (my 7th day on Optavia), happily back to the straight and narrow, and today (Day 8) I weigh 160.3.  At the gym–after a GREAT run!–I weighed 157.5 on their scale.

************

DAY 10.

I have lost at least a half a pound every day since Monday.  Yesterday (Day 9) (at home) I weighed 159.9, and today it was 159.3.  At the the gym today, I weighed an even 157.  I am enjoying drinking all the water, I do not seem to need to go to the bathroom excessively at this point.  I have cut back on caffeinated beverages….I have cut back on desire and drinking of pop, though I have grown in enjoyment of plain and flavored carbonated water.

One thing I find interesting is that I forget to eat during the first part of the day (I’m always going an hour or so past the time I planned to eat), but at the end of the day I am definitely more interested in food.  I eat my lean n green–and I eat “near the top” of the allowable calories/choices–and I feel….emptyish not very long afterward.  Part of it is emotional/habit I think (I associated being home and “off the grid” with eating/treating myself, and feelings of fullness), but I also wonder if it’s not metabolic….does the lean n green ramp up the hormones that make me hungrier when they drop?

I am receiving compliments and comments on my weight loss.  I really like what I see in the mirror.  When I look in the mirror, I feel a little pop of recognition, like, “Oh-THERE I am!”.  It’s like the “real me” has come out from under the clouds.  I remember the last time I lost weight my analogy was of the snow melting off the mountain, and this is the same.  I feel like I am exuding my “being” unfiltered, or less filtered.  The covering of fat and it’s weight seems to somehow dampens or obfuscates or cover one’s aura (?).  I have noticed this same effect with my colleague Sue, who lost so much weight walking and eating low-carb 2+ years ago–when she came into a room her presence seemed so bright and sparkling, I felt like I could barely look at her.   She glowed!  But this winter she appears to have put weight back on, and she doesn’t seem to glow or sparkle when she enters a room, as I felt before.  My colleague Dawn is another example of this.  Last year, when she had dropped her weight (shedding her shield of fat covering), she was breathtaking!  She commanded a room when she entered.  (She does already have a commanding personality).  But when we returned from Christmas break this year, I immediately could see that she had ingested a lot of unhealthy food (or else had started some medication?)–her face was seemed swollen, and she wasn’t “shining” any more.  Yesterday (mid-June) I sat next to her during PC; she was in a short, sleeveless shift, and she was just puffy all over–a significant weight gain.  Here’s my point:  Both Sue and Dawn still look “good” (not “fat”), still appear healthy-ish.  But they don’t look vibrant, and they don’t seem to “sparkle”.

Rereading that paragraph, it sounds so silly or spacy.  But it is a strong sense i have.  I can’t deny the jolt of recognition that I’m looking at “the real me” or a “real-er” me in the mirror.  I can’t deny the emotional, almost physical impact Dawn and Sue had on me when they were lean (and had lost their shield, or covering, of fat), and the change in their impact on my emotional response to them when they regained a covering of fat.

**********

DAY 11: 158.9 today; down .4 lbs (a little slower weight loss…but it’s been 8 lbs in 10 days.  I worked out with Kyle (strength training) for 30 minutes, and jogged/ran not-quite-HIIT intervals for 3 miles (5.0 mph pace; mostly hung around 5.0, but took breaks between 4.2 and 6.1).  I noted I was light-headed after the sprint sections, and I kept them to two minutes or less.  I also noted that I was more tired today on the treadmill,  I think because Kyle worked me harder than Brandon did on Wednesday.  So, anyway, I didn’t get very intense in my HIIT today.  The evening desire to eat more is still prevalent……  Tonight, I took several “short walks” to take my mind off grazing/snacking (luckily, it’s simply gorgeous outside!).  I walked my dog.  I cleaned my house.  I read the Craig’s tips I had taped to my phone.

I note that I have almond milk with “breakfast”, and my evening fueling/meal almost every day.  I also, nearly every day, eat the allowed nuts, maybe a littler higher than .5 oz, but really do not ever exceed by very much (I know how caloric those suckers are).  I also, in a pinch, do the non-sugar popsicle, even if I had the nuts.  I try to be mindful of not tipping my macro balance toward carbs, and to keep my total calories near the goals (800-1020?) for Phase 1.

***********

DAY 12: 

158.3 this morning.  Another 1/2 lb!  I’ve re-read this journal this morning (it’s a Saturday), and tried to revise some sections to make them more clear.  I want to reiterate that I am enjoying the food/fuelings/prms.  I was very worried about them being potentially gimmicky and….crappy.  I note that I feel super after eating them–I wonder, do they have some miracle “happy” drug snuck in them?  Only kidding, but really, I do feel great after eating them.

************************

DAY 13:

UH, 158.3 this morning.  No change. Guess why? I went to Ari’s Csiszar family dinner.  I tried to be in control.  I told myself I’d eat my lean n green meal there (they are famous for the great meat they serve at these things). The meat part was okay, but  there were no green vegetables…not sure there were vegetables, unless you count baked beans and potato salad.  I took a table spoon or less of those, really teensy amounts…..I drank water and diet pop, until finally my arm was twisted and twisted, and I had a half shot of rum.

I don’t mean to make excuses.  I want to say that there are people that eat and drink for entertainment, love, social life, affiliation, and-to not eat their food or accept their “hospitality”-risks being perceived as a rejection of their good feelings toward you.  If I saw them more often, I would work to teach them about how I need to “fuel”, but seeing them once a year or 4 years….I didn’t feel it was the time.

Ari is a little more hard for me…I don’t know what to do when we visit if we don’t eat and drink.  It’s easier to manage our friendship from afar than face to face.  …So, this was a goodbye party; she’s moving to California in a few weeks.  I hope by time we visit again (in a year or so) that I have figured out how to navigate this better.

*********

Today I read several hours in the HOH book.  I want to see what the later phases of this health plan are.  Pretty good stuff.  I stopped at the chapter that had readers looking at their fulfillment and success.  I recognized that I do have a sense of being in a rut and being in lockstep.  I think I need to stop and think about this for a while.  I wonder if I can find more of a reason to find a purpose that motivates me about my job.  (This chapter made me write “why?” down several times.  Why am I doing …..?)

Mark mentioned a triathlon at Pretty Lake in a couple of weeks.  I think it sounds…interesting….There is a 70 yr old woman running, then I would be the next oldest; the only one in my class.  So, at least so far, maybe I could just do it for fun and charity (it’s a charity fund raiser), and just to see what I think about it…..I was already wondering about the Shermanator…I note that they are also offering a duathlon, too.  Hmmm?? which one?

***************

DAY 14:  157.9 Hopefully, back on track, and ready to toe the straight and narrow!  I signed up for the Pretty Lake Tri, and bought me a wet suit for a super discount!  I am geeked about getting ready; I’m going to do a “brick” training tomorrow morning.  I posted my “racepic” as my profile pic on FB, just for inspiration…I am six lbs away from that weight (to my best memory).

*****************

DAY 16:  158.3.  Yesterday I was 158.0.  Interestingly, I ate “on program” for the 24 hours before each weigh-in, so I am now (I guess) in the more typical, slower, weight loss period.  My energy is very good; my hunger is not so present (it does not feel the same when I’m hungry while in ketosis; it’s hardly noticeable, though psychologically I will start thinking about poor choices after 3 hours!).  Some observations:

• Monday (day 14) I ran into a person I hadn’t seen for a few months.  I said “HI”, and she looked startled, then burst out, “Oh, Nancy, you look so beautful!”.  And we talked a little about “my winter project of getting fit”.  So it was nice/fun to get the confirmation that I look like I feel–like I’ve burst through the veil and I’m glowing..
• Though I have gotten a number of comments from women at the gym, complimenting me on my weight loss, today one of the major athletic young women (whom I’ve not talked to before, after 3 or more years!) sought me out to say, ‘Wow, you are really getting fit!  I noticed you during your workout, you are really building muscle and doing it!’  THAT was a major compliment!  ….Though I know that I had that muscle before, it was just buried under the fat….
• I discovered that I have “planes” or “sides” to my thighs; my inside thigh is flat, not rounded, above my knees.
• So, last night, sitting like a tired lump on the couch watching TV/Facebook, and open to cravings, Mark put on his music, and I sort of danced through an hour.  It was nice and fun and comfortable, and a lot more fun/productive/satisfying than sitting on the couch doing TV and FB!
• Last, it is starting to get difficult to find clothes to wear to work (or play) that don’t just hang on me.  I bought a number of cheap tops, a dress, a skirt, shorts, in April to get by (size 12s), but they are now loose–almost too loose–which means I am swimming in my other “regular” summer clothes.  But I don’t want to shop yet; I’m still trying to go down 10-15 lbs more.

*************************

Day 18.  Finally the scale budged, and I am 158 today (158.3 for 3? days).  My initial “high” about the diet seems to be wearing a little thin.

• What was I expecting?  Of course you can’t stay in that exhilarated place very long!
• The personal phone calls and emails from my coach and the company have dropped off.  I feel self conscious and/or self-centered about bringing up the diet and/or my constant thoughts about my weight, food, things I’m reading and researching, except (mostly) to Kyle and (somewhat) to Brandon.  It is nice that they are interested in talking about these things; I think that Brandon is taking me a little more seriously since I’ve really shown him some progress.  Kyle is cool!  He’s young, but he’s curious and intellectual, and I really enjoy working and talking with him.
• Viewing Craig’s online postings is motivating to me, but I miss having his personal attention via the phone calls.  I think I’m supposed to reach out more if I need something, but … I don’t like to do that.  I prefer to go off by myself & try to figure out how to give myself the emotional boost or reassurance I need or to answer the questions I have.  Secondly, of course, successful coaches (folks who are making a living doing health coaching) have tons of contacts/clients/communications to maintain.
• I miss drinking to a degree that surprises me.  Mostly because I am finding out how much I like to have a couple of beers after a hard days work outdoors, or a glass or two of wine sitting in our gorgeous yard in the evening.  I want to be on a diet that allows that.

Okay, now I am going to drop that bullet format, and dig into the Optavia experience, here in the middle of Week 3 on the 5 & 1 plan.  The book/plan.  The community experience.  The diet itself. My relationship to the Optavia experience.

The book/plan.  Dr. A’s book was published in 2008, the same period that I first “transformed” myself.  It reflects the research of 10 years ago, in which I am well-steeped.  Most of that research is still highly regarded and current today, but some of it was a flash in the pan or simply just a little “trend-y”.  And, of course, there is a lot more research on the benefits of fat in a low-carb diet.   Several thoughts: (1) I note that he lumps in the recommendations of the “lighter”, less persuasive research findings in with the very strong research, and gives them more credence and weight than I believe they have shown they deserve; (2) the book is clearly dated, and needs to be updated; (3) (this point is mostly positive, but…) the book is encyclopedic!  It is so packed!  By the end of the book, so much information is provided (I’m thinking about the nutrient section in particular) that it nearly drowns one.

My conclusions:  It’s hard for me to just adopt and follow the plan, wholesale.  It’s not magic, it’s built on a particular (very well designed and very well-articulated) theory of action, and I can identify what I think might work better for me.  The book is dated; we can’t follow it like the Bible, for example.  The book is a little naive.  A little disingenuous.  A little too full of itself.  Okay, maybe I mean, it is for beginners to this process.

Here are my positive thoughts about the book/plan.  Jeez o peet, it really works (if you can follow it)!  The book/plan is great because it pulls together all the pieces of changing one’s health and moving toward fitness (the Habits of Health) into a wholistic conceptualization, something that I had to sort of piece together myself, and is not so nearly so well articulated any where else.  Being so encyclopedic, the book is a super resource and basic reference for people.  The work book can really help people work through and mentally change their mind.  This is one helluva well-developed program.

The community.  I believe the Optavia ideas about this are good, but I am not finding the operationalization to be that helpful to me.  I am not moved by seeing pictures of new members.  I don’t get any feeling that my comments help others, or make much of a connection to others.  It’s mostly folks trying to share something real (a complaint, a nonscale victory, a victory, or a simple comment), and then folks respond with an obligatory “atta boy”  “you got this!”.  It feels very perfunctory.  The coaches (Diane & Craig in their group) just keep pushing stuff out, but it doesn’t feel very personal.  A lot of the inspirational-type messages just seem to be flat to me….but I am pretty actively resistant to being motivated (but always hopeful that something will move me!).

The Meltdown Challenges are good because they just keep one connected daily to the complete Habits of Health conceptualization.  The community portion has the same problems I’ve stated above–I simply do not feel a connection!  It feels perfunctory!  However…I do notice that some of the voices persist across the Challenge period, and you do start to capture their personalities and position in the process. I alternate between trying hard to be supportive, and remember that people don’t need to hear about me, they want to feel heard.  But I have that need, too, (LOL) so I worry that my responses to others are too-self-centered and not other-centered & supportive.  I will say that rarely does anyone respond to my posts, and that is demotivating.  Last, I am not liking the daily bursts/messages so much.  No matter what response one chooses, the answer always is “contact your coach to learn how you can *really* be successful! (e.g., start paying for Medifast meals).

The diet itself.  I miss alcohol (I have mixed feelings about that!).  I miss BERRIES!!!  I miss dairy!!!  I miss full-fat Greek yogurt!  I miss celery and grapes and goat cheese!  And, I know I could have all these things, and still eat ketogenically, curb my calories, lose weight, and feel great.  That’s hard.  But I will admit that the TSFL “fuelings” have complete vitamins, and the diet is much lower, calorically, than I tend to indulge myself.  So it’s effective, more effective than what I was doing (though, again, I’ll give myself kudos–my diet helped me lose over 30 lbs, and was enjoyable).

TSFL is EXPENSIVE.  THIS SUCKS.

But, between the book, the challenge, the community…..I think I am really changing and learning about what I need to and want to do to be healthy and fit.  I think I am really beginning to understand that I need to continue eating fundamentally leaner and cleaner FOREVER.  I am beginning to understand that eating this way supports–in the long run–far more positive emotional health than simply using carbs and treats to manipulate or address the emotions of the moment.